Torture memoirs of a potato….


Deep underground a potato was slowly reaching its full maturation, nearly ready to face the world.

As he thought of the wonders of beyond the norm, he head a faint whimper through the soil.

It startled him as he knew wiggly had gone away and wasn’t due back for a few days.

Then as the voice grew louder he recognizes the now multiplying groans…. It was those who had passed over.

Photosynthesis had warned him about life in the light but he never imagined he would get a pre-warning!

The first voice spoke of how it was thrown directly into a sack full of other potatoes, dirty and lost they were taken to a very loud place where people shouted your worth and then based on your weight, you were then sold.
He was lucky though, his buyer left it too late and threw him into the compost heap when he began to sprout.

Another told of her crash to humbleness as he was plucked with the utmost respect and care, shined and polished and placed in a bag with the best of the best only to then be slashed and thrown into a pot of hot water to scold.

A voice shouted from a short distance “They did that to me too but it didn’t end there! When my flesh was soft, they peeled away my skin and pounded me while throwing milk onto me. It was horrible.

All of a sudden a mature voice bellowed amongst the group “Well, i think i could have been treated the best of all, i was taken out when i was small and like others i was kept with other small potatoes. They chucked us into a pot of hot water, only to cut us into pieces and put us on show with other vegetables. I think i saw that lettuce we were sold with before we were born there as well.

A comforting voice came from the earth talking of tales from her past. She was taken raw from the ground and without warning stripped dirt and grime, slashed deeply and put into a black box of heat. She told us she gave up after 2 hours of heat torture and doesn’t remember what happened next but she believes the lingering smell beans and cheese has something to do with what happened to her.

A shriek startled everyone as a tormented voice whimper uncontrollably, with a strong french accent…..

“I don’t think any of you know torture like me, I was treated like all of you at some point in my life, boiled,peeled, slashed, sliced and my last piece of dignity was taken when my pieces were thrown into a vat of hot oil.”

“Browned to perfection i was then sold for £1.19.”

Everyone recoiled as they realized their stories had sent the new potato into a fear frenzy.

A diseased shout from beneath said ” Quickly, if you keep maturing like i did, they will leave you here and you will never know pain.”

In an instant the perfect potato began to summon maturity in a bid to try and save itself, deep in a trance he did his very best to think positive thought and stay strong.

Just as he felt his first black spot of freedom forming, he was plucked violently from the earth.

It was too late…..

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