Torture memoirs of a potato….


Deep underground a potato was slowly reaching its full maturation, nearly ready to face the world.

As he thought of the wonders of beyond the norm, he head a faint whimper through the soil.

It startled him as he knew wiggly had gone away and wasn’t due back for a few days.

Then as the voice grew louder he recognizes the now multiplying groans…. It was those who had passed over.

Photosynthesis had warned him about life in the light but he never imagined he would get a pre-warning!

The first voice spoke of how it was thrown directly into a sack full of other potatoes, dirty and lost they were taken to a very loud place where people shouted your worth and then based on your weight, you were then sold.
He was lucky though, his buyer left it too late and threw him into the compost heap when he began to sprout.

Another told of her crash to humbleness as he was plucked with the utmost respect and care, shined and polished and placed in a bag with the best of the best only to then be slashed and thrown into a pot of hot water to scold.

A voice shouted from a short distance “They did that to me too but it didn’t end there! When my flesh was soft, they peeled away my skin and pounded me while throwing milk onto me. It was horrible.

All of a sudden a mature voice bellowed amongst the group “Well, i think i could have been treated the best of all, i was taken out when i was small and like others i was kept with other small potatoes. They chucked us into a pot of hot water, only to cut us into pieces and put us on show with other vegetables. I think i saw that lettuce we were sold with before we were born there as well.

A comforting voice came from the earth talking of tales from her past. She was taken raw from the ground and without warning stripped dirt and grime, slashed deeply and put into a black box of heat. She told us she gave up after 2 hours of heat torture and doesn’t remember what happened next but she believes the lingering smell beans and cheese has something to do with what happened to her.

A shriek startled everyone as a tormented voice whimper uncontrollably, with a strong french accent…..

“I don’t think any of you know torture like me, I was treated like all of you at some point in my life, boiled,peeled, slashed, sliced and my last piece of dignity was taken when my pieces were thrown into a vat of hot oil.”

“Browned to perfection i was then sold for £1.19.”

Everyone recoiled as they realized their stories had sent the new potato into a fear frenzy.

A diseased shout from beneath said ” Quickly, if you keep maturing like i did, they will leave you here and you will never know pain.”

In an instant the perfect potato began to summon maturity in a bid to try and save itself, deep in a trance he did his very best to think positive thought and stay strong.

Just as he felt his first black spot of freedom forming, he was plucked violently from the earth.

It was too late…..


Speck of rouge freedom

Bursting out of the anthill is a stream of ants it was back to work for everyone.
The mission: search and destroy anything in their path and dismantle for the queen.
After making the 4th kill of the day, a small crowd began to gather behind a leaf, opening a gap in the prominent string of ants.
“Shes crazy!” someone said
“Maybe she’s high off tree sap” another gossiped.
In the middle of a chaotic pile of the rouge army, sat a ant who was fed up.
“Aren’t you fed up of doing the same shit??”
“This cant be life!”
“Im done following butt pheromones and living with my head down”
This was a first event of rebellion for this colony who rarely thought outside the box or spoke freely.
It wasnt that they were controlled, they were just so used to the routine of being an army ant, any other action sent them into major confusion.
Provoking various responses, this outspoken ant had had enough.
“Im leaving, you might be able to survive with no identity but me, i want more”
And just like that she became the speck of freedom chasing the dream.

Thoughts inside the cocoon….

Have you ever wondered what caterpillars think about as they transform into butterflies…..

“Did i prepare enough for my new life?”

“How will life in the air be?”

“I wonder if i will be blown away by a sharp breeze on my first flutter?”

“What colour will my wings be?”

“Will the humans think i’m pretty?”

“I wonder how far i can fly?”

“Any aphids about, i’m starving!!?”

“Is this cocoon supposed to get this small or am i an obese caterpillar?”

“I wonder if i will have to make new friends or will my old friends recognize me?”

All this, and turns out i’m a moth…..

Once upon a now…….

Once upon a now there is an old girl/young woman who is living in a world of beautiful shit and ugly masterpieces.

She, herself, as like everyone else, is barely keeping her head above water in the global sea of problems. Finances, Love or lack of, Health, Career, even Carbon Footprints?!?!?!?!

At times she wants to escape into a closed space with a multi-coloured packet of sharpies and scribble her every last dream onto the whitewash walls because in her fear of failure, she thinks that would be as real as they’d get. in permanent ink…

At other times she feels as fit as a fiddle, wearing a perfectly co-ordinated outfit, T&A (Tits and Ass) set to ‘flirty’, her work life gaining gold stars and she’s so confident she can talk 2 anyone cz she’s cool like that.

All this, same old girl…..